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Extra Time!

This is a story from the FSF archive – the FSF and SD merged to become the FSA in 2019.

Hello and welcome back to Extra Time! The more observant among you might have noticed that we haven’t included Extra Time! in Fan Mail for a month or two. This is partially because we’re extremely lazy but also because there’s been looooaaadddss going on in preparation for the World Cup. Speaking of which, read on for our Extra Time! World Cup special. It’s nearly here, come on!

As Three Lions fans fret over fluky friendly wins and whether or not Gareth Barry will be fit to take his stupendous club form (ahem) into the World Cup, Extra Time! thought wouldn’t it be nice to put a dampener on other nations’ hopes by pointing out that they can be a bit rubbish too? Of course it would.

Now France still have a fairly mighty reputation despite their golden generation’s shine fading fast (at least theirs delivered, you might argue) but don’t let reputation scare you. William Gallas has proved time and again he’s fallible and his latest escapades only back this up – his balance has gone and he can’t handle pace.

Never forget either, even the world’s greatest players are capable of looking like dicks. Check out the once great Zinedine Zidane (below) for proof of that. Once the most elegant player on the planet he now best resembles a drunken dad showing the kids how it’s not done.

On to Africa and one of their brightest hopes for the World Cup, the Ivory Coast, who are currently managed by Montgomery Burns. The Elephants, lest they forget, had a supremely disappointing African Nations’ Cup back in January and found themselves knocked out at the quarter-final stage.

Their current squad, considered something of a “golden generation”, features the likes of Didier Drogba, Salamon Kalou and the Toure brothers. Hmmmmm. Sven-Göran Eriksson. Golden generation. Big egos. Quarter-final failures. Does this sound familiar? A fiver says they go out on penalties.

Not that South American countries have a chance either, take Argentina for example. Maradona – never heard of him either – has called up a frankly unbelievable 91 players in the past 12 months alone. That’s the type of stability guaranteed to bring success. Despite that he still found no room for Inter’s superb Champions League winner Esteban Cambiasso. Nope, his place goes to Juan Sebastian Veron a midfielder whose legs were last seen in use at Old Trafford sometime in 2001.

Not only that but their forward line could yet be led by 36-year-old workhorse Martin Palermo, a man best known for the unusual achievement of missing three penalties in one game. Beat that Frank Lampard (only two in two missed).

The World Cup isn’t only about players of course, let’s not forget the fans and this man in particular – the world’s fastest clapper. Impressive stuff, although you’d probably want to slap him if he was sat behind you. Careful though, because in that time he’d probably be able to slap you back 37 times.

Anyway, the Word Cup’s nearly here, bring it on. Don’t forget though, as well as the FSF’s World Cup website you can also keep up with our England-related activities by keeping an eye on the FSF’s Facebook fan page, signing up to Twitter@FSF_FreeLions, or signing up to E-Lions (if you don’t get E-Lions simply reply ‘E-Lions’ to Fan Mail or join the FSF if none of that makes sense).

Almost there now…

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